The evolution of shelly

who the fuck is shelly davies?

It’s ok – I wasn’t cool enough to know me a few years ago, either.

Here’s some insight into the evolution of the me-est me that’s ever me-ed.

1974

Entered the world under duress a month early because Drs thought I was gonna be huge. Was tiny. Pretty much the first of 2 decades of premature milestones achieved accidentally.  #accidentallyawesome

1978

Ran away from Kindy. Was wearing flares and a rib-knit jersey, possibly orange. Made me easy to catch. (First glimpse: badass-in-training.)

1979-1990

7 schools, 5 towns, 2 countries, and at least 2 infectious diseases on consecutive weekends. Learned to be adaptable. Developed immunity.

1988

Failed 1st semester English in Chicago. Learned grammar. Had an A by end of year. Suck on that, Ms Tobin.

1990

Had the worst English teacher ever at Church College. (Sorry bout it but you know who you are.) Regardless, came 2nd in my year (damn you, Silver Naulder), discovered Witi Ihimaera, and decided to write.

1994

Got a degree in nothing useful. Way too young.  Felt like a badass graduating at 20 years old.  #evolution

1994

Married a lovely boy on the same day as my oldest sister married another lovely boy. Let her go first. It seemed the diplomatic choice.

1994

Moved to Hawaii. Taught English at BYU. Had naked dreams at the beginning of every semester. Learned how to write essays.

1996

Began procreating. Enter: the boy whose eyes were far too big for his face. For the next 5 years.

1998

Lovely boy husband drowns. Asshole. That sux. Which led to…

1999

Grieving, lonely, stupid. (Hadn’t yet mastered self-awareness when it came to men.)  Got remarried. Of course.  He got 7 ½ years of my life and I got 2 daughters. I win. Guess I earned that self-awareness after all.

1999-2007

Tortured kids at various schools throughout Northland. Continued procreating.  There was very little external badassery at this stage of my life.

2007

Took what I thought would be a less-demanding-than-being-in-the-classroom job at Te Wānanga o Aotearoa.  LMFAO.  But it was one of the greatest growing times of my life. 

Learned to speak the language of my tūpuna.  Met the beautiful carverboy.   Admired him from afar for 6 years before doing anything about it. #waitedlikeabadasscosimsmart

2012

Had weight loss surgery. Lost 50 kilos and pretty much every last one of my inhibitions. Got a whole new badass life I didn’t even know I needed.

2013

Pulled the rug out from under my own feet: left the faith that has shaped my family’s life for 5 generations. Broke my parents’ hearts. Hardest time of my life.

Also, shacked up with carverboy.  Third time’s a charm.  No, really.

2013

Had an extremely generous man (shot, Victor Main!) take me under his wing. Handed me his business. Told clients I was great. Damn, that was risky (I hadn’t yet figured out I was a badass.)  Said yes (may have cried a bit. A lot. Shit scared.).  #accidentallyawesome

2013

Figured out it was way more fun to play with adults than with kids.   Found my #joy.  Decided I wanted a helluva lot more of THAT in my life.  Counted down to 40, and giving fewer and fewer fucks (it’s a beautiful thing.)

2015

Self-discovery of the year: realised empathy is my superpower, I am my brand, and humility is dangerously misunderstood.

2016

Challenged myself to abso-fuckin-lutely unleash my inner badass, and give fewer fucks what the wrong people think.  #notmytribe

Here’s what I called my ‘brand massacre.’ You’re looking at it. Turns out it wasn’t such a bad idea, thank fuck.  #writingjoybadassery

2017

Hired a Fairy God Ninja. Now I can’t get rid of her. Finalist in the Waikato Business Awards – Micro Business Category. Did my first TEDx (you should check it out. There’s heavy breathing and everything).

2018

Won the MWDI Māori Businesswomen Award (Tainui Rohe), Won the Best Plain English Turnaround at the NZ Plain English Awards. Wrote a book.  Ended up with blue hair, and a tā moko (traditional chin tattoo) that was the missing piece in my #joy.

2019

Parents still love me. Never stopped. Holy shitballs I’m lucky.

Oh, LOL, you wanted the letters behind my name?

1994 got a degree in something writer-ly

1996 got qualified to teach

1998 got a masters in something else writer-ly

20 years on: still learning – aren’t we all?

Shelly WHo?

Never heard of me?

It’s ok – I wasn’t cool enough to know me a few years ago, either.

1974

Entered the world under duress a month early because Drs thought I was gonna be huge. Was tiny. Pretty much the first of 2 decades of premature milestones achieved accidentally.  #accidentallyawesome

1978

Ran away from Kindy. Was wearing flares and a rib-knit jersey, possibly orange. Made me easy to catch. (First glimpse: badass-in-training.)

1979-1990

7 schools, 5 towns, 2 countries, and at least 2 infectious diseases on consecutive weekends. Learned to be adaptable. Developed immunity.

1988

Failed 1st semester English in Chicago. Learned grammar. Had an A by end of year. Suck on that, Ms Tobin.

1990

Had the worst English teacher ever at Church College. (Sorry bout it but you know who you are.) Regardless, came 2nd in my year (damn you, Silver Naulder), discovered Witi Ihimaera, and decided to write.

1994

Got a degree in nothing useful. Way too young.  Felt like a badass graduating at 20 years old.  #evolution

1994

Married a lovely boy on the same day as my oldest sister married another lovely boy. Let her go first. It seemed the diplomatic choice.

1994

Moved to Hawaii. Taught English at BYU. Had naked dreams at the beginning of every semester. Learned how to write essays.

1996

Began procreating. Enter: the boy whose eyes were far too big for his face. For the next 5 years.

1998

Lovely boy husband drowns. Asshole. That sux. Which led to…

1999

Grieving, lonely, stupid. (Hadn’t yet mastered self-awareness when it came to men.)  Got remarried. Of course.  He got 7 ½ years of my life and I got 2 daughters. I win. Guess I earned that self-awareness after all.

1999-2007

Tortured kids at various schools throughout Northland. Continued procreating.  There was very little external badassery at this stage of my life.

2007

Took what I thought would be a less-demanding-than-being-in-the-classroom job at Te Wānanga o Aotearoa.  LMFAO.  But it was one of the greatest growing times of my life. 

Learned to speak the language of my tūpuna.  Met the beautiful carverboy.   Admired him from afar for 6 years before doing anything about it. #waitedlikeabadasscosimsmart

2012

Had weight loss surgery. Lost 50 kilos and pretty much every last one of my inhibitions. Got a whole new badass life I didn’t even know I needed.

2013

Pulled the rug out from under my own feet: left the faith that has shaped my family’s life for 5 generations. Broke my parents’ hearts. Hardest time of my life.

Also, shacked up with carverboy.  Third time’s a charm.  No, really.

2013

Had an extremely generous man (shot, Victor Main!) take me under his wing. Handed me his business. Told clients I was great. Damn, that was risky (I hadn’t yet figured out I was a badass.)  Said yes (may have cried a bit. A lot. Shit scared.).  #accidentallyawesome

2013

Figured out it was way more fun to play with adults than with kids.   Found my #joy.  Decided I wanted a helluva lot more of THAT in my life.  Counted down to 40, and giving fewer and fewer fucks (it’s a beautiful thing.)

2015

Self-discovery of the year: realised empathy is my superpower, I am my brand, and humility is dangerously misunderstood.

2016

Challenged myself to abso-fuckin-lutely unleash my inner badass, and give fewer fucks what the wrong people think.  #notmytribe

Here’s what I called my ‘brand massacre.’ You’re looking at it. Turns out it wasn’t such a bad idea, thank fuck.  #writingjoybadassery

2017

Hired a Fairy God Ninja. Now I can’t get rid of her. Finalist in the Waikato Business Awards – Micro Business Category. Did my first TEDx (you should check it out. There’s heavy breathing and everything).

2018

Won the MWDI Māori Businesswomen Award (Tainui Rohe), Won the Best Plain English Turnaround at the NZ Plain English Awards. Wrote a book.  Ended up with blue hair, and a tā moko (traditional chin tattoo) that was the missing piece in my #joy.

2019

Parents still love me. Never stopped. Holy shitballs I’m lucky.

Oh, LOL, you wanted the letters behind my name?

1994 got a degree in something writer-ly

1996 got qualified to teach

1998 got a masters in something else writer-ly

20 years on: still learning (but not maths, apparently)

Whose world have I rocked?