In PR we know what makes a successful apology and what doesn’t. SUCCESSFUL APOLOGY = a conversational, human approach:
Hi Shelly We’re sorry we got the date wrong for setting up the internet at your new home. We know that was really inconvenient. Thanks for letting us know about the mistake so we could fix it. We’ll do our best to make sure it doesn’t happen again. Thanks,Your Favourite Internet Provider
UNSUCCESSFUL APOLOGY = the traditional, formal business voice
Dear valued customerIt is with regret that we write to express our apologies for the recent error.There was an unavoidable disruption within our system due to a service upgrade. We apologise for any inconvenience this may have caused.SincerelyJust Another Nameless Faceless Internet Provider
I imagine you would struggle to think of the last time you were happy to read something written in that voice. And I’m not just talking about apologies. So I want to say this to you:
The formal business voice is DEAD.
There is no longer ANY place for it in business today. I cannot find a single situation where the formal voice is helpful. Oh no wait, that’s not true. There is one time: If you want to threaten, use the formal voice. “Should the undersigned not comply with the aforementioned conditions, immediate remedial action will be undertaken.” If you want to alienate and intimidate and put the fear of god (or the courts) into someone, use the formal voice. If you want to achieve almost anything else on the planet, use a conversational voice.
I imagine that so far you’re reading and thinking, well duh, that’s obvious.
But here’s something I’ve learned through training thousands of people to write better in business contexts: Our writer selves don’t know what our reader selves do. You know good writing. When you read (at work) you want clear, straight to the point, no fluff, no mucking around. But when you sit down to write, a completely different set of knowings takes over, and we completely forget what we know as readers (or we think we’re different. Special. Unusual because we want those things. We’re not – sorry ‘bout it. Everyone wants concise, clear, direct writing). Our writer-selves believe:
- there are unbreakable rules for good writing at work (and we learned them at school/university)
- we’ll sound unprofessional (or unintelligent) if our writing is too casual
- the examples of bad writing that we see all around us (that we HATE to read) are what’s expected of us in a business setting, period
Are you scared?
You wouldn’t be alone. I may have just shaken your foundations. Alan Siegel, who’s known internationally for his work simplifying legal documents (while retaining all their legal power), describes what he does as “a means to achieving clarity, transparency, and empathy – building humanity into communications.” I LOVE THAT because right there is my issue with the formal business voice and why I say it’s DEAD: The formal business voice removes the humanity. It takes out the people. It takes out the you, we, us and switches to third person – the client, the user. It removes ownership and accountability and instead just talks about things “happening”, like: Mistakes were made. [isn’t that wonderful? They just happened. No one is to blame.] It is recommended. [By whom? The universe?]
Don’t believe me?
People have been researching this stuff for decades. And we know that a simple, conversational voice is far more successful when compared to the formal voice:
- It’s shorter
- It’s easier to understand
- It’s more engaging
- It deescalates situations rather than escalating them (the formal voice sounds pompous and the last thing you want when tensions are high is to sound pompous – cos that helps. )
Still don’t believe me?
Think about brands you love.
Think about how they write to you – by email, in agreements, terms and conditions, on the web. They have a conversation with you. They don’t talk down to you. And you know what? If THEY can use a conversational, everyday voice and drop the formality in their business writing, SO CAN YOU. The formal business voice is DEAD. It’s old, shrivelled, fossilised. You’re not! So write like a human. Preferably a live one.