It might be a crisis of confidence. It might be imposter syndrome.
Either way, it can fuck right off.
Living with depression
I had a period of depression last year that wasn’t like my normal depression.
It tasted different.
This one had the distinct flavour of SELF-DOUBT.
A significant crisis of confidence.
On my tongue I could taste words like:
You’re a loser.
You’re going to fail.
You’re making a fool of yourself.
This will never work.
You don’t actually know what you’re doing.
Who do you think you are?
It was so WEIRD. I’ve kicked imposter syndrome in the ass years ago and it’s not usually a problem anymore. I hated it. It was actually pretty scary.
I came through it eventually, and there was no magic bullet or solution.
I had to slowly and consistently:
- Remind myself that a thought isn’t truth, it’s just a thought
- Dig into the fear that was hiding underneath it so I could see it and challenge it, and
- Seek evidence every day that I am, indeed, good at what I do.
I came through it eventually.
The value of a tribe
Since then, some of the women I love and look up to most in the world have all described similar crises in confidence.
An amazing business coach who has helped me grow incredibly said she was telling herself the story that she was washed up.
A therapist who has lovingly influenced my growth for many years, doubting that she’s good enough. Using a slow moment in business as evidence that she simply must not be good at what she does.
A ridiculously incredible neuroscience and flow coach doubting her direction. Wondering why she’s lost some clarity and some motivation (oh, the irony.)
So I wanted to say to you:
It’s ok. It happens to all of us. It’ll pass.
And before it does pass, while you’re sitting there with that bitter taste in your mouth and rocks in the pit of your stomach, just be a little kind. To you, ok?
One of my favourite songs at the moment is “Anyone” by Demi Lovato.
I’m not a huge fan of hers or anything but this song speaks to me. And it makes me think about the women I love who have all said to me recently that they’re doubting themselves, that their confidence is low.
I’m told she wrote it a few days before a suicide attempt. And the line that gets me says:
I feel stupid when I sing
This young woman, with a well-established career and a list of songs that have topped the charts, this young woman who has made a career out of singing, at the moment she wrote this song, had lost confidence in her abilities.
I feel stupid when I sing.
Nobody’s listening to me.
You are normal (and amazing!)
It reminded me that crises of confidence are NORMAL.
No matter how good you are at what you do. No matter how much evidence there is of your success. No matter how many times you’ve felt confident in your skills and abilities, there will still be days when you can’t connect with that knowing.
And when you have one of those days I hope you’ll remember this little love note from me.
I hope that when that bitter taste of self-doubt lingers that you’ll remember.
Everybody feels that way sometimes.
It’ll pass. It’s just one of those days.
And your fears and self-doubt are not truth. They’re just thoughts.
I see you, and you’re AMAZING!
For more “you’re AMAZING!” reminders:
- Brene Brown – Everyone has a story
- Shawn Achor – Why a happy brain performs better
- The Female Lead – The ‘Underneath We Are’ project
- Christina Marlett – The Courageous Self-Care Podcast – Courage and self-care with Shelly Davies
- Marc & Angel Hack Life – 3 things we need to do to be happy in tough times
We see YOU 💕
How about an AMAZING keynote to remind your team of their value? (Maybe a lunchtime webinar?)
Are you looking for that keynote? (not an average keynote.) THAT keynote!
The one they’ll remember for a lifetime? The one that invites authenticity, captures the heart, and encourages you to live a more joyful, badass life?