I did the best I could.
I tried my hardest.
I couldn’t have done more.
I used to feel guilty every time I thought or said any one of those statements. I thought they were lies.
The superwoman days
You see, I have these days every now and then that I call my superwoman days.
On those days, I get up ridiculously early, stay up ridiculously late, and accomplish a super-human amount of stuff. I go and go and go and push and push and push.
I produce, I meet milestones and deadlines and demands, all in between client meetings and calls, maybe travelling between cities, and all while wearing heels and makeup. And maybe cooking dinner and hugging a child or two.
Fuck. I’m tired even thinking about it.
Beware the lies we tell ourselves
But here’s where the lying comes in: Since I do have superwoman days, I saw those as me being my best, trying my hardest, and only those days.
Every other day I counted as me being less than. Less than my best. Less than trying my hardest.
So on difficult days, on days when I was feeling low or everything turned to shit, or all the cats didn’t get herded, or clients got let down or my feet were just too fucking sore for heels, and I tried to be kind to myself and say, I did the best I could, I didn’t believe it. I thought I could do better.
I mean, I can be superwoman! I have proof! And on this day I hadn’t. So I clearly hadn’t done my best.
I lived this way for a long, long time (hello, antidepressants).
Mindset makeover required
Until I realised that my superwoman days were just that: SUPERHUMAN.
More than my best. They were anomalies. Exceptions to the norm. Really fucking impressive and exciting, but exceptions nevertheless.
I had to acknowledge that no one can be superwoman every day. That’s not my best! It’s BEYOND MY BEST.
What I do every other day, every day when I get up and am kind to people and get shit done, and get dressed or don’t, and work or don’t, and cry or don’t, that is me doing my best. That is me trying my hardest.
Because we all fucking do the best we can, every fucking day.
Put the cape away.
Put it away.
Pull it out on special occasions.
But recognise that it’s not everyday-wear.
You’re NOT actually superwoman.